ISIS sends Archer and Lana into the swamplands of Louisiana to protect a natural gas pipeline from an eco-terrorist bent on destroying it.
The absolute greatest thing about Archer’s status as the World’s Greatest Secret Agent is that he is completely incapable of keeping his status a secret. While on a flight to Louisiana and the aforementioned gas pipeline, Archer ends up outing himself and Lana as ISIS agents (and coincidence of all coincidences, the eco-terrorist they’re looking for happens to be seated right behind them on the plane. Only in Archer-land.)
Once they land in Louisiana, Lana and Archer meet up with a representative from the pipeline for their debriefing and then head out to the wetlands, commandeering an airboat as they go.
In his excitement, Archer ends up blowing the airboat’s engine and having to drag the boat (and an extremely pissed off Lana) the rest of the way through the marshes. As he’s doing so, Archer casually discusses whitewashing in Hollywood, his fear of alligators, crocodiles, and brain aneurysms, and the merits of grilling.
Lana burns herself on the dry ice that Archer stuck in his giant cooler of beers (and didn’t tell her about until she’d shoved her hand right into the mess) so she’s pretty much incapacitated for the rest of the mission, poor girl. While they’re waiting for the eco-terrorist to show up, Lana dishes on her past as a radical environmentalist and how she’d gotten recruited into ISIS.
Also, Archer tries to fish for a trout and ends up catching an alligator instead. Which is actually a really impressive achievement.
Archer and Lana manage to fight off the alligator and make their way over to the comparative safety of the pipeline, where Archer gets the brilliant idea to make dry ice bombs to protect themselves from the alligator and eco-terrorist (who is just taking his sweet, sweet time to show up, isn’t he. Especially considering he was on the same exact plane the ISIS agents were on.)
Meanwhile, back at ISIS headquarters, Malory is sticking to the episode’s theme of Save The Environment by trying to get ISIS to go green. (Not necessarily because she cares, of course. More because she’ll get money for it from the government. But I mean, whatever gets her on board, right?)
ISIS personnel aren’t happy about it, though. Cheryl can hardly see what she’s doing on the copier due to “stupid efficient Canadian lightbulbs,” Pam hates the new low-flow toilets because the old ones could “flush a Dachshund puppy” if she wanted it to, Krieger’s mad because cutting power to his lab might kill all his freaky alien clone experiments, etc etc.
But fear not, ISIS peoples, thanks to Pam and her war crime-esque shits, Malory abandons her “going green” plan just as quickly as she came up with it, just so she can reinstall some high flow toilets.
Back with Lana and Archer and the killer alligator zone that is the marshes of Louisiana, the agents finally figure out the right dry ice bomb recipe just in time for the eco-terrorist to show up. The eco-terrorist whose name is Josh. The eco-terrorist whom Lana is on a first name basis on because they used to be environmental advocate lovers. Surprise!
Josh gives Lana a lift back to dry land, and they both leave Archer out there alone with no grill, no beer, and an angry angry alligator on the prowl. Hehe.
Archer: Because I’m not too worried about some drum-circling, hippie tree hugger, Lana.
Flight Attendant: Sir, can you find your seat for me?
Archer: Uh, yeah, it’s right there. Can you go find some more Hurricanes for me?
Archer: LANA. I AM NOT. GONNA BLOW. THE EN-
[Archer blows the engine]
Archer: Hey! I just dragged this thing through a mile of my three biggest fears, so I think I’ve earned a kebab!
Archer: Burt Reynolds is my spirit guide.
Lana: Did you say “Man crush?”
Archer: No, I’m pretty sure it was “Shut up.”
Lana: Shoot it, Archer! Shoot it!
Archer: Oh, so now it’s okay? What happened to your ‘fragile ecosystem’?
Lana: Screw the damn ecosystem! Shoot!
Archer: You are such a hypocrite! I bet you probably eat veal!
Lana: I hope an alligator attacks you at the exact moment you have a brain aneurysm.