Semi-guaranteed Pick-Up Lines in honor of Valentine’s Day (also known as Singles Awareness Day)
Valentine’s Day to the general public is either a schmoopy holiday to buy flowers and chocolates and gifts for your lover(s) or a reminder to us tragically single people that we are tragically single.
(Okay, so there’s also the people who don’t feel the need to wait for a commercialized holiday to celebrate their love for their significant others and who appreciate their existence all day/every day, or who are perfectly happy with their single status – but for the purpose of this article let me pretend the world splits easily into the former two categories).
Whatever group that you may or may not fit into, pick-up lines are fun to read and add to your repertoire in case you’re looking to make some cutie laugh or fall madly in love with you. Or maybe you and your friends are playing the ‘Cheesiest Line You’ve Ever Heard Or Used’ game. Either one. Hip-Hop and R&B in particular are wrought with phrases of a… sexual nature.
So without further ado, and in no particular order, here are my personal favorite cheesy pick-up lines from those genres masquerading as song lyrics. Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
1. “Man we steppin’ out like whoaaa, cameras point and shoot. Ask me what’s my best side? I step back and point at you.“ – Big Sean in “As Long As You Love Me” by Justin Bieber (featuring Big Sean)
He’s saying that you’re his best side. Not like, the left side of his face vs. the right side, or a profile view vs. a full body pose where he’s pointing at his dick. You. How could this line possibly not melt your
2. “Hey Mona Lisa, come home you know you can’t Rome without Caesar.“ – “Flashing Lights” by Kanye West (featuring Dwele)
Because I prefer my pick-up lines with a large helping of art and history references.
3. “Wanna l-l-lick me like a lollipop?” – “Lollipop” by Lil Wayne
It’s a bit of a stretch, but if you want the recipient of your affections to know exactly what it is you want, you might as well just lay all your cards out there. And say what you will about Lil Wayne, but he’s written a very special song here. He could’ve compared his dick to a wild stallion, or a sharp metal rod, or something else that sounds painful and unappetizing. Out of all the metaphors he could have chosen, however, he definitely picked the right one. Comparing it to a lollipop almost makes you forget that it’s still Lil Wayne’s dick.
4. “How the hell do I approach such a precious dream? … You got me feeling like I’m choking on a wedding ring and I ain’t even made an introduction yet or anything.” – “Pack It Up” by Grieves & Budo
For a song that’s basically about how smooth Grieves is not, it is probably the suavest love letter I have ever heard. So yeah, this is my favorite bit, but if you really wanna tap that you should just serenade them with the entire song.
5. “You can do me up like Woodrow Wilson, carry my children, exit the building. Let me love you like you’re the shit, girl, you’re the shit, girl. You’re the shit, girl.” – “Dressed to Digress” by Boy Crisis
Absolutely no idea what it’s supposed to mean. But I’m 90% sure there’s a compliment attached to the end of it, and you can’t really go wrong with one of those.
6. “If you got a big dick, let me search it, and find out how hard I gotta work ya.” – “Work It” by Missy Elliot
It pretty much speaks for itself. You’re letting them know you’re down for some sexy times, but making sure they know what your criteria is (ya gotta have a big dick, dude) all in one breath. A very versatile pick-up line.
7. “Lookin’ good, plenty tight. Tell me, is there any more room for me in those jeans?” – “In Those Jeans” by Ginuwine
My god, this song is iconic. This is a must-have for every human being’s “sexy dancing striptease” playlist. And if you don’t already have one of those, you should go make one – immediately. (Seriously, try it sometime, it’s such a good workout.) In terms of pick-up lines, though, it’s either gonna get you a slap to the face or a “pony ride”, to quote Ginuwine’s other well known song. I figure a 50-50 coin toss is pretty fair.
8. “You are an ocean’s breeze, I am a tidal wave. You every paragraph, I’m just the title page. You have the heart I hold exactly where you desire it, it’s all so effortless, like what you did to acquire it.”– “Fall For Your Type (Remix) by Angel Haze
Okay, pause on the sarcasm for a second – this line is ridiculously adorable. Yes, the metaphors might be a bit overdone, but they’re the kind that are overdone for a reason. And that reason is that they are ridiculously adorable. Use this one at your own discretion, because it may cause everyone around you to collapse from an overdose of adorability. Did I mention that I find this adorable yet?
9. “Hello, ma’am, would you be interested in some sexual positions and emotional investments?” – “Trying To Find A Balance” by Atmosphere
Being extra polite when asking someone out never hurt anyone. Plus this is like the more mature version of passing a note to your high school crush reading ‘Do u want 2 go out w/ me? Check Y or N’, so it might create some cutesy nostalgia that can work in your favor.
10. “Blame it on the model broad with the Hollywood smile… stripper booty with a rack like wow. I’ll never forget ya.“ – “Novacane” by Frank Ocean
Because I like guys who are romantic and appreciate my intelligence and errythang, but I also like guys who appreciate my bodacious bod. Because it is smokin‘.
What’s your personal favorite song lyric pick-up line? Comment below and win a PRIZE! (Just kidding. No prizes for you.)