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The Worst Couples on Television (2012 – Present)

Cringe-worthy Couples We Could Live Without

Romance, love, sex. These are all staples of American television. It’s what inspires “ship wars” and couples’ nicknames like Chair, Dair, and Nair. Even if two people have never met, even if they’re not even in the same TV universe together, it doesn’t stop the internet from doing what it wants.

Hollywood is starting to catch up to the internet’s obsession with “ships” and “feels” and the various memes and gifs that they’ve inspired. Show creators, actors and actresses, and television writers have had to address it at some point or another on Twitter, or in interviews.

But there are some couples we could definitely live without – regardless of “shipper feels”…

Photo: ABC

Photo: ABC

Olivia/Fitz (Scandal)

There’s no shortage of sexual chemistry between these two forbidden lovers (so, we know that we’re probably about to piss off a lot of people here). But that doesn’t erase the gross power dynamic at play – Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) is the freaking president of the United States, after all. He’s controlling (see: “Hunting Season”) and too busy mooning over Olivia Pope, played by Kerry Washington, to properly lead the country (if he focused on his job more maybe this East Sudan thing would have been resolved faster).

Let’s not forget that incident in the elevator (as seen in a flashback) when a drunk Fitz forces himself on Olivia – what part of her pushing him away and saying “no” did he not understand? I guess none of it, because he kept on pressing against her, right up until his wife Mellie (Bellamy Young) catches them and she has to apologize for his actions. In the most recent episode, Fitz pulls her into a closet, they proceed to have sex, and then he tells her, “We are done. I may not be able to control my erections around you, but that does not mean I want you.” What part of that screams ‘romantic’?

Photo: Alloy Entertainment

Photo: Alloy Entertainment

Chuck/Blair & Dan/Serena (Gossip Girl)

Because nothing says true love like selling your girlfriend to a guy who attempted to rape your step-mother… for a hotel. Or stalking some girl you talked to at a party for less than five minutes for the next 5+ years. Move over, Mr. Darcy. The new Queen Bees of romance have arrived and their names are Chuck Bass and… Gossip Girl? Yeah, we still don’t know about that.

In the series finale of Gossip Girl, Chuck (Ed Westwick) married Blair (Leighton Meester) so she couldn’t testify against him after he basically murdered his father. (In true sociopathic fashion, he shows no remorse about it afterward.) Then, in a flash-forward, everyone is in attendance as Dan (Penn Badgley) and Serena (Blake Lively) tie the knot. If there’s anything this show has taught us, it’s that when someone writes a blog constantly humiliating you and exposing your every secret… it’s a love letter. And boys who engage in attempted rape, treat women like property, and show violence towards you… are romantic heroes.

Photo: CW

Photo: CW

Damon/Elena/Stefan (The Vampire Diaries)

It’s been four seasons and we’re wondering how much longer The Vampire Diaries can continue to milk this love triangle for all it’s worth. Elena (Nina Dobrev) is caught between vampire brothers Damon (Ian Somerhalder) and Stefan (Paul Wesley) – who were once in love with Elena’s doppleganger Katherine. At one point or another, they’ve both been sadistic killers. Damon even tried to kill Elena’s younger brother in an earlier season. Hell, he even tried to kill Elena. As of right now, Elena/Stefan, Elena/Damon, and their respective “shippers” are battling it out to see who reigns supreme as Florence + the Machine plays in the background of one of the show’s sex scenes. Personally, we’re bored by the whole thing.

Photo: Showtime

Photo: Showtime

Fiona/Jimmy (Shameless)

He’s lied to her, he’s tried to buy his way into her life, he keeps butting into her family issues. We think Fiona, played by Emmy Rossum, can do better than Justin Chatwin’s Jimmy (formerly known as Steve), and she deserves better given all the bullshit she’s had to deal with when it comes to her father. This season, while he’s done her a favor by playing Mr. Mom, he’s keeping the fact that he’s still married to Estefania (Stephanie Fantauzzi) a secret from her. In “May I Trim Your Hedges?”, Fiona told him that she trusted him, and that that was more important to her than saying “I love you.” Too bad Jimmy is going to break that trust when she inevitably finds out about Este.

Photo: ABC

Photo: ABC

Cristina/Owen (Grey’s Anatomy)

Shonda Rhimes has a thing for soul mates (see: Olivia & Fitz).

After Burke (Isaiah Washington) dumped Cristina (Sandra Oh) at the altar, her romantic prospects were looking pretty dire. That is until Owen Hunt (Kevin McKidd), a hunky trauma surgeon, appeared on the scene and swept her off her feet. It started off cute, and romantic, and honestly we were just happy that Cristina was finally moving on. Then Owen’s PTSD kicked in and he choked her in the middle of the night. And then there was a hospital shooting, after which Cristina also ended up with PTSD.

The two ended up getting married on a whim, while Cristina was still reeling from recent events and was not acting like herself. When Cristina found out she had gotten pregnant, she wanted an abortion – as previously established in the show she had never wanted motherhood. Owen, who did want children, struggled with understanding her motivations at first before agreeing to respect her decision. All was well, and we were happy with how they seemed to handle that problem in their marriage: together.

Until he started screaming at her at a party full of coworkers that she’d murdered their baby, of course. And okay, we get it, he was hurt and angry and he lashed out. But none of that erases the fact that he wants kids, she doesn’t want kids, and neither are willing to compromise on that. They just need to realize that they both want different things and that they’re completely wrong for each other (whether or not they’re In Love).

Who do you think is the worst couple on television? Comment below.

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40 Comments on “The Worst Couples on Television (2012 – Present)”

  1. sf
    December 27, 2013 at 8:46 PM #

    Haha people this is television .., these couples are not loved because they are functional but because they showcase drama and sizzle… Its modern day dramas and soap operas that you are analyzing as though its the Cosby Show. You sound as though you are greatly hoping for functional and healthy relationships in an era where drama captivates. P.S these shows did not sell or are promoted as healthy, but as a glimpse in a society or culture not often seen (and largely oversentalized and dramatized for television, .. One is a modern day example of Rhett and Scarlett (novel) and the other a different take of a public affair between a president and his mistress .. they were found to be an epic story … And p.s Dan and Blair were not healthy either if you are truly taking the writing of gossip gossip after season 3 seriously. So these are not morality tales …

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Shameless 3×05 “The Sins of My Caretaker” Recap | Pop Insomniacs - February 18, 2013

    [...] up with Fiona’s lack of concern, Jimmy turns to Este for comfort. Refer to our “Worst Couples on TV” list for why Fiona/Jimmy are one of the worst couples on [...]

  2. 10 Worst Television Couples of 2013 | Pop Insomniacs - December 9, 2013

    […] And our anti-Olitz campaign continues, mainly because the couple in question continues to be terrible. […]

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